We Look Forward to It All Year Long

**If you are a man or extremely squeamish you should stop reading.**

A few weeks ago I took a trip to the lady doctor. Jealous much? I was the ONLY person in the room who wasn't pregnant. I don't think I have ever felt like more of a reject. It felt like an eternity until the nurse called me back and....wait for it...She was pregnant! Seriously? Is the doctor trying to make me feel like a barren woman failure or what?



The torture did not end there. I approached my ominous foe known as the scale with my usual caution. I step up feeling like there won't be any surprises. Then as casually as can be, the pregnant nurse pushes the big weight on the scale to the 200 lb mark. What! No offense to my friends over 200 pounds, but I am 5'1". I must be looking pretty overweight for her to automatically assume I am well over the 200 pound mark. Typically, the nurse assumes I am under 150 then is shocked to realize I am over that. And, you know, the nurse that takes your weight is the medical equivalent of the weight guesser at the carnival. She does this all day. She is probably a good guesser! AND I was having a skinny day. This was not good. Not good at all.

Enter the exam room. Initially, it consisted of all the usual fun lady doctor stuff. Weird paper clothes, creepy metal tools, and a baby mobile. Yes, a baby mobile. At first, I thought, "Hey this is a great idea! Something for me to focus on while I try not to hurl." Then I realized it was just another method to torment me for my childlessness! What kind of sick freak is running this sideshow? Maybe the plan is to make your pre-exam experience so crappy that you start to feel like the pap smear isn't so bad?

Just when I think it can't get any worse than feeling like there's a popsicle up in my lady business, the doctor tells me I need to come back for more testing. The last thing in the world you want to hear from any doctor. So, May 11 I will return for a pelvic ultrasound. Don't think this is like what they do to pregnant people where they spread jelly on their belly and take pretty pictures. No, it involves sticking something up there to expand my service and check out my uterus. Under no circumstances does expanding anything on your body feel good. Ok, maybe there is something, but I can't think of it now.

So now we wait. I'm pretty sure it's endometriousis. My mom and my sister both have it so it was only a matter of time. And that was my annual visit. Same old same old.

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3 comments:

Rebecca @ My Girlish Whims said...

blahhhhhhkc not looking forward to these types of visits lol.

sorry for your bad experience :(

Emily said...

That has happened to me before. I was waiting at the gyno one day and realized I was the only one who wasn't pregnant. I was starting to think I was in the wrong place.

Deborah Burns said...

I feel your pain! Though I love your humor... "popsicle up my lady business." Priceless!